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What Really Matters to Me at the End of My Life?

Caitlin CrosbyBy Caitlin Crosby

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever. — 1 John 2:15–17

As I sit in my front yard on my rusty tree swing, I’m watching bulldozers tear down the house across the street. I’m seven months pregnant, getting bigger by the day, and praying my heavier-than-yesterday self isn’t going to send this swing toppling to the ground. (For kicks, fast-forward to a couple months later when I’m still pregnant, and I have now actually broken the swing.) I’m ready to welcome my daughter into the world (and hello, ready to be done being pregnant) and thinking about what makes things last. Are there things that really last in life?

The woman who lived across the street—a sweet 90-something mother and grandmother—recently passed away. She raised a family in that home. She outlived three husbands there. She never got divorced, just lived longer. I’m sure she cooked thousands of meals, experienced great joy, and cried thousands of tears in that house. Now she’s gone, and I watched as each wall that held her precious memories got smashed to the ground and thrown into a dumpster.

As the house disappeared and the sky became clear where the walls once stood, I couldn’t help but think about how her whole world was gone. The only thing that remains is her story and the memories her friends and family hold.

You Are the KeyI found myself pondering her life as I pondered my life. There would come a day when I’d be gone from here, and maybe a neighbor would be watching my house be torn down. What would I want people to remember about me? What would I want them to think about after I’m gone?

What actually matters to us at the end of our lives? I don’t want to look back and wish I was more grateful for all of my blessings: family, work, food, and a home to keep me warm and safe. I don’t want to look back and wish I had stressed less about money or my “earth suit” (another way to think of our bodies) or about what others think of me. I don’t want to look back and wish I had taken more time to be present. I don’t want to look back and wish I had spent more time looking into the eyes of my husband and son and daughter.

I don’t want to look back and wish I hadn’t wasted precious moments of my life looking at my phone, being negative and critical of myself and others, looking at social media, or comparing myself so much. I don’t want to look back and wish I could just let go and surrender and be grateful for the fact that I was given the blessings and body I was given, rather than longing for things that I was never meant to have. I want to actually do those things.

Just a few weeks ago, a gardener, who was working in my neighborhood, was showing all his equipment to my son Brave, who was enthralled. We got to talking, and he was telling me about some of the challenges he’s faced. He shared how long and hard he’s worked to provide for his family. Covered in dirt and sweat, he motioned toward the homes down the road with their white picket fences and said, “All of this doesn’t matter. This is going to fade away. All that matters is love and family.”

As simple as that sounds, it touched me that day.

That conversation with the gardener came to mind again as I sat on my swing watching my neighbor’s walls literally fade away. It was true what he had said: the material stuff doesn’t last. What matters and what lasts are memories, quality time with the people you care about, and love. Love is what lasts. When I think about my neighbor who passed away, I have to believe that her love will live beyond her. Her love will live on through her children, her grandchildren, and through a legacy that lasts much longer than a house.


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You Are the KeyAdapted from You Are the Key: Turning Imperfections into Purpose by Caitlin Crosby. Click here to learn more about this book.

For anyone who feels less-than about your work, worth, body, or the life you’re building, find here an incredible hope: you don’t have to have it all together to “qualify” for your life’s calling.

Just ask Caitlin Crosby—the former Hollywood talent who didn’t finish college, never got an MBA, and wasn’t supposed to become a CEO, yet that’s exactly what she did (even if being a new mother means she forgets to brush her teeth sometimes before heading to the office). Caitlin’s passion for people led her to launch The Giving Keys, a give-back jewelry brand with the mission of helping its employees transition out of homelessness. Each of their one million plus keys sold represents a person who wore it, then shared it with someone else, in a unique pay-it-forward model.

Yet just as her jewelry repurposes throw-away keys to bear bold messages of hope, faith, and courage, Caitlin has fought hard to believe her own imperfections can lead to her greatest purpose.

In You Are the Key, Caitlin reveals imperfections aplenty: like the time she accidentally voice-texted a huge fight with her husband to her entire leadership team, or the terrifying day a disgruntled employee brought a gun to their office, or the time this #girlboss landed herself in the ER. For the first time, Caitlin also opens up about her own secret “flaw” that rocked her sense of self-worth for the better part of two decades, and her private battle to believe our scars are not sources of shame but proof of courage and prompts toward purpose.

Through Caitlin’s all-too-real stories, sparkling with warmth and humor, you’ll find your own free pass to embrace your flaws and reframe your imperfections not as limitations but signposts toward your greatest purpose.

Caitlin Crosby is an actress, TEDx speaker, singer-songwriter, and founder of The Giving Keys, a jewelry company with the mission of helping its employees transition out of homelessness. She was named among Oprah’s SuperSoul100 list of visionaries in 2016, and featured on The Today Show, Cosmopolitan, Harper’s Bazaar, and many other media outlets. Caitlin lives with her husband and their two children in LA and you can connect with her on Instagram @caitlincrosby and www.thegivingkeys.com.

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Filed under Discipleship, Guest Post