If you’ve ever been given empty clichés during challenging times, you know how painful it can feel to be misunderstood by well-meaning people. Far too often, it seems the response we get to our hurt and disappointment is to suck it up, or pray it away. But Scripture reveals a God who meets us where we are, not where we pretend to be.

Bible Gateway interviewed Esther Fleece (@EstherFleece) about her book, No More Faking Fine: Ending the Pretending (Zondervan, 2017).

Explain how you became an orphan at the age of 15, even though both your parents were still living.

Esther Fleece: My biological family left me to fend for myself at a young age. Families in my church and community took me in and gave me a way to avoid the foster care system. I’m a living testimony of Psalm 68:6—that God sets the lonely in families.

What is the biblical language of lament?

Esther Fleece: Lament is defined as an expression of grief. As I take a look at Scripture, I see that God seeks out those of us who are in need of him. He meets people with his comfort, and with his peace. So for the purposes of this book, and this movement, we’re defining lament as an expression of grief that God meets us in.

How did, and does, the Bible meet you in your disappointments?

Esther Fleece: Our disappointments, setbacks, and failures are entry points for God to enter. We can miss God completely when we try to live only in our strengths. We begin to believe we’re capable of things without him. This is why I don’t see setbacks as failures; rather, entry points for God to meet us in. If the language of lament is not incorporated into our prayer times, we’ll have a hard time worshipping God when things don’t go as we want them to.

Why do you say “God wants our sad”?

Esther Fleece: For years my faith walk was stunted by the assumption that God wanted my strengths, gifts, and talents to use for his kingdom. While he does want those things, he also wants my heart. I had left out that God wanted my laments. He wants my whole heart; even the parts of me that are still broken or in pain. When I incorporated the language of lament into my prayer times, I found that God would meet me in the midst of my disappointments, instead of wishing them away.

What are your favorite Bible passages that speak to the subject of lament?

Esther Fleece: Psalm 40:3 is one of my favorite verses for this book: “He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him.”

No More Faking Fine talks about how God gives us a new song after a season of lament, and my prayer for this book is that many will be introduced to a God who hears them when they cry.

Where can we turn to in our Bibles to learn this language of lament?

Esther Fleece: You’ll see all over Scripture that lament is a language of God’s children. From Abel’s blood crying out to God from the ground all the way to Jesus’ laments and Paul’s ministry of tears. I recommend that inquiring readers turn book of Psalms and see the language of lament in these songs. Incorporate these Psalms into our daily prayer times. Get comfortable with getting gut-level honest with God. It’s hard to find an emotion not mentioned in the Bible, and through the Psalms we see where our emotions can be used to communicate with God.

What are three examples of lament experienced in the Trinity?

Esther Fleece: God expressed emotions, Jesus lamented (John 11:35), and we know that the Holy Spirit can be grieved (Ephesians 4:30.) There’s no way that God would let us into knowing his emotions, if we were supposed to keep our emotions from him.

What do you mean that people should move from lament to amen?

Esther Fleece: After reading No More Faking Fine, some of us will lament to God for the very first time. We’re already hearing feedback that this book is giving people permission to go to God with everything. And hopefully as you read through this book, you’ll see that children of God are not kept in a lament forever.

Lamenting seasons will be hard, and often long, but they’re not our final destination or our final song. I believe the majority of laments, no matter how difficult, can end with “amen”—a “so be it” or a “thank you” even in the storm.

What is the campaign “Ending the Pretending”?

Esther Fleece: It was our heart to invite others to share their “No More Faking Fine” stories as a part of this book campaign. When one person stops faking fine, it gives permission for others to do the same. What a great way to show unchurched people that church people don’t have it all together. That we, too, still have a need for God.

When we end the façade, we demonstrate how our emotions can help us turn towards God, not away from him. When we end the pretend and show people our need for God, it lets them know that their need for God is okay, too.

What are your thoughts about Bible Gateway and the Bible Gateway App?

Esther Fleece: Bible Gateway is my most used online resource for the Bible. I love the different versions that are available as well as the study tools. Online commentaries have been a great resource for me as I’m on the road traveling a lot. Thank you, Bible Gateway, for making the best book accessible all day!

Is there anything else you’d like to say?

If you have a “No More Faking Fine” story you’d like to share, please visit EstherFleece.com and join this anthem of authenticity. Let others be inspired by you! To know God is to need God. Let’s not be afraid to be needy Christians (for him).

Bio: Esther Fleece is an international speaker and writer on Millennials and faith, leadership, and family, recognized among Christianity Today’s “Top 50 Women Shaping the Church and Culture” and CNN’s “Five Women in Religion to Watch.” As founder and CEO of L&L Consulting, she works to connect influential individuals and organizations to their mutual benefit.

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