Do you ever feel like connecting with God is complicated? You might see how others are experiencing God and feel like you are missing something. Perhaps they seem to have it all together, waking up at dawn to pray, attending every event and living out their purpose seamlessly. Meanwhile, you struggle to find five minutes of peace and wonder if you are “doing it wrong.”
Or maybe you feel like you’re simply in the wrong season. Perhaps in the past you felt more connected with God, but in this season, it’s not possible. The deadlines are piling up, the laundry piling up even higher, and it seems too hard to have the relationship with God you think you’re supposed to have.
If you have ever felt like the “perfect Christian” mold just doesn’t fit you, you are not alone. Many of us have believed the lie that connection with God requires us to become someone else entirely. We try to force ourselves into habits that don’t match our personalities, season, or actual community, and when we fail, we feel shame.
Where did this standard of connecting with God “the one right way” come from?
It turns out — these unrealistic expectations do not come from God.
The truth is, God created you to be in a relationship with Him, and He created you wonderfully and uniquely with that goal in mind. He designed you with a unique personality, He’s placed you in a certain time and place, and through your life He’s writing a one-of-a-kind story. He doesn’t want you to perform or live with pressure to fit in some sort of spiritually elite box. He doesn’t want a relationship with a pretend version of you; He wants a relationship with the real you.
It’s time to discover what God’s Word actually says about having a relationship with Him. It’s time to embrace an uncomplicated faith.
The Myth of the One-Size-Fits-All Faith
One of the biggest hurdles we can face is the false expectation that there is only one “right” way to spend time with Jesus. We can sometimes think, If only I prayed like her, read the Bible like him, and had a community like them, then I would have the ultimate connection with God!
Looking to other people to see how they encounter God can be a beautiful thing. It can encourage you, inspire you, and show you new ways you may want to try yourself. But when our being inspired becomes us rigidly trying to copy and paste their lives and become just like them, it goes from being helpful to hurtful. Teaching people a one-size-fits-all approach to connecting with God is the perfect way to create a culture of faking it.
But God wants the opposite. He wants a relationship with you in the middle of your actual schedule, with your quirky personality, and in the unique way you’re wired to enjoy Him.
Jesus tells us in John 15:4 (NIV), “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” Notice that the command is to “remain” or “abide” or to “be at home” in Him. It’s not just about production. It’s about connection. It’s less about putting on a suit and tie and going to work to perform the best. It’s more like putting on your favorite hoodie and resting your head on your comfy couch, at peace in the safety of your home.
1. Know Your Soil and Your Season: Unpacking John 15
I recently visited a family-owned vineyard in the hills of Tuscany to unpack John 15 further. I learned that grapes flourish best when the farmers understand the specific soil and climate around the vineyard they’re growing.
Your life is like that soil. You have a unique background, a specific set of life circumstances, and a distinct personality. This is your “soil.” To flourish in your faith, you need to understand what your soil is made of. Where are you from? What have you overcome? Where are you now? Are you in a season of grief? Are you a busy parent with toddlers?
The vineyard owners told me that when they try to grow their vineyard exactly like others grow theirs — with totally different soil, it doesn’t help their vineyard, it hurts it.
The same is true for us. A real relationship with God starts with coming to God as who you really are, with all you’re made of, and all you’ve been through. You put your faith in Jesus. You get real with God. You turn away from your sin. You receive His grace.
And the next step after that? How you spend time with Him exactly? It depends. It will depend on your soil — who you really are, what your personality is like, and the current season of life you’re in.
This is what is best for branches to stay connected to a vine and to grow healthy fruit.
This is also what is best for your relationship with God to be real, and to flourish.
2. Discover Your “Praise-o-nality”
Just as we have different personalities, we also have different ways we naturally worship and connect with God. We can call these “praise-o-nalities.” Knowing yours can be a game-changer in your faith. And they are found all throughout Scripture. Here are seven:
- Recreationalist: You feel closer to God in nature or through movement. You might enjoy God best while taking walks, praying at the gym, or sitting at a body of water.
- Beholder of Beauty: You connect with God best through art, paintings, architecture, a photo or flower. Beautifully created things literally make you feel closer to your Creator.
- Soulfire: You come alive in expressive, passionate worship. Whether through lively environments, dancing, movement, or loud music, you connect with God best when your whole body is immersed in a vibrant experience.
- Sacred Space Seeker: You connect with God best through traditions, structure, and rituals of reverence. You don’t worship the traditions themselves — communion, prayer liturgies, or holy days — but practicing them truly brings you closer to God.
- Interior Expert: You connect with God best in silence, solitude, and deep introspection. You may have a bent towards nostalgia. Your alone time with God is your sacred space.
- Thoughtsmith: You connect with God when you are engaging your mind. When you study theology, understand the historical context of Scripture, or when a passage comes alive in a new way, a lightbulb moment illuminates your soul.
- Artist of People: You feel close to God in closeness with people. Relationships are your canvas. You may have a bent towards hospitality and service. Serving at a soup kitchen, hosting a dinner party, or caring for a neighbor is how you love God and others.
There is no hierarchy here. None are better than the others. And you likely identify with multiple! When we stop comparing our “praise-o-nality” and the ways we connect with God to others, we will discover how free we are to worship God in the way He designed us to. It turns out, all of our soils are different, but all of us can be flourishing.
3. Overcome the Roadblock of Shame
Even when we understand our personality, praise-o-nality, and current season, roadblocks can get in the way. One of the biggest obstacles to a real relationship with God is shame. Shame is different from guilt. Guilt says, “I did something bad.” Shame says, “I am bad.”
We see this in the Garden of Eden. When Adam and Eve sinned, their immediate reaction was to hide. Shame always leads to hiding. It convinces us that we are unworthy of connection, so we pull away from the very source of healing we need.
To uncomplicate our relationship with God, we must bring our shame into the light. We need to remember that God knows us the best and still loves us the most.
1 John 1:9 (NIV) says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Confession isn’t about informing God of something He missed; it’s about breaking the power of shame that’s holding us back from God and the life He’s called us to live.
Do you feel this roadblock of shame? Get real with God. Say it out loud. Turn from your sin. Receive His grace. It’s that simple.
4. Reframe the Roadblock of Busyness
Another massive roadblock is simply the pace of our real lives. We often feel we are too busy with our families, jobs, and responsibilities to have time with God. We sometimes tell ourselves, “I’ll spend time with God when things slow down.” But the truth is, things rarely do. So what can be done?
Consider what God has called you to, and what He has not called you to.
Anything He has not called you to do? Surrender it.
Anything He has called you to? Invite God into the middle of it, and keep obeying God.
Uncomplicating faith amidst busyness means practicing the presence of God while you obey Him in the season you’re in — as you love your family, fold laundry, commute to work, take care of your parents, or wait in the school pickup line.
It’s a lie that you have two lives: Your Real Life and Your God Life. The truth? The best way to have a real relationship with God is to have one in the middle of your real life.
5. Build Your Personal Trellis
For branches to flourish, they need a trellis — a structure, so branches don’t get tangled up or suffocated, and so they don’t live their lives weighed down. Similarly, a “personal trellis” in our own lives will help us grow, flourish, and not carry weights we were never meant to carry.
This isn’t about rigid rules; it’s about life-giving rhythms that Jesus lived out and called us to follow. Your trellis can include planned time to engage in God’s Word, pray, spend time in closeness with others, celebrate, serve, worship, and many other rhythms Jesus lived out.
It’s important to remember that your structure does not need to look like anyone else’s, and it doesn’t need to look the same in every season. Think on your season. Perhaps you will make a trellis for your whole school semester, while others may plan one week at a time. This is all wonderful. Also think on your personality and praise-o-nality. Some of your rhythms might look like a morning walk, listening to worship music on your commute, a quick devotional at lunch, an evening prayer with the kids, or doing something creative that brings you closer to your Creator.
Remember, there is no power in the structure. There’s only power in the Source of Life Himself, Jesus Christ. The best thing a trellis can do is support that vital connection to the vine. If something in your trellis isn’t working, change it. Your spiritual rhythms should serve your relationship with God, not the other way around. But when you truly are living at home with Christ, in your real life, your relationship with God can be personal, real, and flourishing.
Start Where You Are
God wants to meet you exactly where you are today. You don’t need to feel like you have it all together. You don’t need to wait until you are more disciplined, more holy, or less busy. He wants to meet you in your messy kitchen, your crowded subway car, or your quiet bedroom. He is interested in the real you — your honest questions, your fatigue, your joy, and your personality.
Let go of the pressure to perform. Resist the comparison trap. Uncomplicate it. Look at your own soil, and unlock the unique ways you were made to enjoy God.
Take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you are loved. And invite God into your real life today.
What if connecting with God could be simpler — and more personal — than you ever imagined?
In Uncomplicate It, international speaker Hosanna Wong invites you to move past the lie that your relationship with God must look like someone else’s, or that it must look like it did years ago. Instead, she unpacks what God’s Word actually says about connecting with Him and offers you a permission slip to enjoy God in the unique way He’s created you to.
Hosanna Wong is an international speaker, bestselling author, and spoken-word artist helping everyday people experience God for real. Widely known for her spoken word piece, “I Have a New Name,” Hosanna shares in churches, conferences, prisons, and other events around the world, reaching across various denominations, backgrounds, and cultures. Hosanna currently travels and speaks year-round and serves on teaching teams at churches throughout the United States. She and her husband, Guy, serve together in various ministries equipping people to experience and share God’s love in their real lives. Hosanna is the bestselling author of How (Not) to Save the World and You Are More Than You’ve Been Told.
