Her hand was frail in mine, yet her grip was tight as I began to share with her the painful truth: she was dying. She asked:
“So, how much time do I have left?”
“When I am short of breath like this, I feel terrible. Will my suffering worsen?”
“You’ve witnessed the final moments of many others. What will it be like?”
“My family understands what is coming, but what exactly will they see?”
In my thirty-three years of medical practice — in state-of-the-art hospitals in the United States and in more nascent clinics in Rwanda — I have had countless end-of-life conversations. Yet this was the first time a patient, friend, or family member asked such direct questions.
I answered her questions as clearly, honestly, and gently as possible. But something about this moment — perhaps her quiet strength in the face of death, or maybe the fact that she would be missed terribly by her family, as well as by myself — moved me unexpectedly.
When I finally said, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you these things,” I began to weep.
To my surprise, my patient grabbed my other hand and squeezed even tighter. “It’s okay,” she said as she comforted me. “I am going to have a good death. Please prepare my family. I am ready.”
As I left her room, the statement “I am going to have a good death” lodged in my mind. In the days and weeks that followed, I could not shake it. What does it mean to have a good death?
Is There a Way to Lessen Death’s Sting?
I thought about how so many people struggle mightily against our common destiny, seeing nothing about it as good. Meanwhile, others face death willingly, almost eagerly, as though they are arriving at a long-sought destination.
Though we are always sad, we are never really shocked when death takes an elderly loved one or when we attend the funeral of a friend or neighbor who had suffered from chronic illness or long-term disability.
But then there are those other deaths. The out-of-order deaths that rip our hearts. They cause us to look to our Creator and cry out, “Why?” We sob when a child dies. “This isn’t how life is supposed to work!”
Likewise, we struggle to accept the sudden passing of a young parent who has small children. And how are we to make sense of death when it comes via a senseless act of violence, up to and including the horrors of genocide? Perhaps you think — with good reason — that trying to find good in the wake of such bad is a fool’s errand.
Most people have heard the old quip, “The only certainties in life are death and taxes.” But until that heart-stopping moment when Death raps loudly on the door, barges into one’s hospital room, or whispers softly from the other end of a dreaded phone call, taxes seem like the surer reality. We indulge in fallacies: “If I don’t think about death, maybe it’ll forget about me.” Or we entertain fantasies like, “I don’t have to worry about that now. I’ve at least thirty, maybe even forty years left.”
Then reality hits. Maybe Death has pulled up a chair at your dinner table or has parked in a loved one’s driveway. Maybe the grim specter of “the end” is the ignored elephant in the room. For those facing the ultimate loss (either their own life or the life of a loved one), this giant, uninvited, and unwelcome visitor has a way of hovering in the imagination, haunting one’s every step and invading one’s nightly dreams.
Realizing that we cannot escape it forever, we wonder, “Is there any way to lessen death’s sting?”
A good death? What possible good can be found in death? And yet my breathless patient who inspired my search for an answer was genuinely peaceful as she prepared to depart this life. She seemed to possess a great secret that might benefit those she was leaving behind.
Because of God’s mercy in my own life, I knew her secret — and it was glorious. This was a woman who was confident of her destination. This was a woman who lived a life anticipating heaven. The hope found in Christ can move us not only toward a good death, but to live with a hopeful end in mind. Hope comes through the practice of anticipating heaven.
What Heaven Will Be Like
What do we know about our heavenly destination?
As believers, we can praise our Father for our eternal home. And as we make choices for ourselves and others, let us remember the grace we are extended and the choice for heaven made possible by Jesus Christ, Prince of Peace, King of kings, Immanuel (“God with us”).
What is heaven? Let’s look to Scripture for the best descriptions of what we can anticipate.
Heaven Is a Place and a Promise
“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.” — John 14:1–2 (NKJV)
Because this is true, I anticipate dwelling with the one who conquered my death with his life.
Heaven Is in God’s Presence and Brings Eternal Pleasures
You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. — Psalm 16:11 (NKJV)
Because this is true, I anticipate the presence of the one who makes my heart sing.
Heaven Is the Home of Perfect Knowledge
Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. — 1 Corinthians 13:12 (NKJV)
Because this is true, I anticipate a time when I will have no unanswered questions.
Heaven Is Prepared for Us by God
As it is written: ‘Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.’ — 1 Corinthians 2:9 (NKJV)
Because this is true, I anticipate the place where God walks, and the garden humanity was created to inhabit.
What Do You Anticipate?
I encourage you to read each of these verses and write how you would finish this sentence: Because this is true, I anticipate . . .
This is one of the ways you will begin to tackle your fears about the end of life on earth. Heaven is the ultimate destination beyond everything we plan for so carefully on earth. I hope to see you there.
Adapted from Anticipating Heaven by Dr. Pamela Pyle.
Is there a way to walk into the final chapters of life with peace and confidence, and with support and wisdom?
We all are living an earthly story with a beginning, middle, and end. While aspects of our story’s closing hold mystery, we do not have to feel lost as we move toward it. We instead can lean on the support and wisdom of others who know the path ahead. In Anticipating Heaven, Dr. Pyle offers that same practical advice and spiritual comfort to you and your loved ones as you navigate a serious illness.
Dr. Pamela Prince Pyle is a Board-Certified Internal Medicine physician, Chair of the Board of Africa New Life Ministries in Rwanda, Museum of the Bible Woman of Legacy, author, and speaker. She speaks and writes nationally and internationally on the topics of evangelism, women’s discipleship, healthcare, and end-of-life care. Pamela is a wife, mother to five, grandmother to eight, adventurer, author, poet, and “Reckless Dreamer.”
